The First Howitzer Versus Bus Crash We've Seen

Did the driver of the truck towing this Polish Howitzer hit the brakes too hard, or did the driver of this Polish bus hit the brakes too softly? Either way, there's a joke in here somewhere.

{viaSayOMG}

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Commenter Of The Day: Moe Howard On Hand Edition

As an august member of one of the nation's premier online information sites for all things automotive, it's my pleasure to bring to light stories and information that elucidate the human condition through the world of travel and engineering, the locomotion of our emotions. And when I get tired of that crap, there's always the Three Stooges, and one Moe Howard, waiting for me with his good hand. Like a nice crack across the face of collected idiots,SecondSplitter'scommenton Boris Said's palm-talk with Joey Said's face was short, sharp and refreshing:

Said palms Hand's job at Daytona.

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The Origin Of The Species, Cygnet Edition

Caught in the wild at a London car show, a Jalopnik reader astutely parked his original Mini next to the upcomingAston Martin Cygnet. Must be evolution at work, because there's no signs of intelligent design.(Thanks Jon!){Flickr}

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Prepare Your Car For Snowstradamus 2011

Up to100 million peoplecould be impacted by the arctic storm taking aim at the eastern United States. Sounds like it's time to turn your vehicle into arallycar, though maybe not a white one. {Photo:Stefan Sager}

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Boris Said Challenges Joey Hand To A Duel

We don't want to give anything away, but someone looking like a young, bearded Glenn Close took some time out of his busy schedule to slap BMW driver Joey Hand in the face towards the end of theRolex 24.

(Hat tip to everyone who sent this in!)

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2011 Chrysler 300: First Drive

"If there's one thing we want you to know,"said the executives launching the2011 Chrysler 300sedan,"it's that this is an all-new vehicle."It's not, but it is better.

Disclaimer: Chrysler flew me to San Diego and lodged me in a swanky hotel to test the 300, theFiat 500and another vehicle that brings the total number of vehicular names to 1000. I came in too late to catch the night at the burlesque club. Because when you think of glamour, you immediately think of night clubs filled with waddling flocks of auto writers.

When the revived Chrysler 300 sedan came out in 2004, banishing the front-drive imposter to the company's most historic brand, it hit as many sweet spots as"Shampoo"-era Warren Beatty. It wasn't just the rear-wheel-drive, the Hemi V8 or the Mercedes-influenced suspension; it was the styling (rumored to be the last work of former chief designer Tom Gale)— a modern take on a Bentley hot-rod that looked great driving to the opera or mowing down gunmen in Liberty City. Before Jay-Z dropped his jerseys for Armani, the 300 made the elegant tough and gangsters classy.

(Volvo designer Peter Horburyshared a different take at the Detroit Auto Show: The slit windows and high beltline of the original 300 weren't meant to menace people outside the car, but make the passengers inside feel safe, a small measure of security in a post-9/11 world. This is why he's a designer and you're not.)

But after a few great years, the 300 and the rest of Chrysler fell to the dogs of hell— Cerberus Capital. The survivors of Auburn Hills talk about the dark days where no cost was too big to consider cutting. By February 2009, anyone with a modest checkbook could have bought the 300. Not the car— the entire vehicle line: the factory, tooling, brand rights, down to Walter P. Chrysler's autopen. Several companies, including Chinese automakers, kicked the tires and passed, in part because Cerberus had decided that every Chrysler vehicle interior would be shod with rubber from Zippy the Pinhead Retread's President Day's Special.

Now, in the Fiat era, so much of what's new about the 300 comes two years after it should have arrived, but to Chrysler's credit the reworking does go beyond simply turning in late homework. It's still the old platform, but with every part redone, reused or recycled into something different.

There was a stab at weight loss; the hood is now aluminum, and the base model clocks in a few pounds below 4,000. There's new steel underneath, including sound-deadening panels and bolstered safety good enough for the requisite insurance industry"top pick."The bad tires have gone back to China. And then there's the exterior styling, which shares nothing with the previous generation— for better and worse.

It's never easy to follow a truly great car design, and Chrysler's designers bravely attempted more than a nip-n-tuck. The front headlamp of the 300 and other Chryslers is now supposed to resemble the eye of a bald eagle; the grille ditches Bentley for an Audi-esque profile, the sides get sculpted and there's even a vestigial ridge on the trunk harkening back to Virgil Exner's 1957 tail fins. It still looks distinctive, but the chrome accidents add unwelcome bling, and the whole hangs together about as easily as a Fugees reunion.

Inside, the improvements begin at the top. While the windshield gained a degree or two of rake in the redesign, Chrysler also lowered the belt line and raised the top edge of the glass, boosting visibility. The IP has a blue-chrome Tron feel, and the top of the dash merges nicely with the new corporate touchscreen system, which isn't as confusing as the industry average.

Yet below the dash equator, things don't work as well. I suppose the world has decided fake wood is still acceptable, but just because"Matlock"comes on in reruns doesn't mean I'll ever watch it. The seats keep their throne-like comfort at the expense of some bolstering, and rear passengers still have ample room, even if Chrysler isn't bringing back the long-wheelbase version yet or directly targeting the limousine crowd following the imminent demise of the Lincoln Town Car.

The best of the 300 still comes with the 300C and its 5.7-liter Hemi. Chrysler stopped building rockets for NASA in the 1970s, but the 300C does a cheerful impersonation of a Saturn V in a straight line, hitting 60 mph just a few tics after five seconds and extra-legal speeds quickly thereafter. The Hemi has been tweaked up to 363 horsepower and 393 lb-ft of torque; if that's insufficient, we should see an SRT version at the New York Auto Show shortly.

The new engine to the party, the corporate 3.6-liter"Pentastar"V6 rated at 292 hp and 263 lb-ft, makes a strong indictment of whatever committee decided that the previous 2.7-liter base V6 could hustle two tons of automobile. It's by no means in the same thrill category as the V8, and much of its power comes high in the rev band, but for the highway cruiser and rental customer, it's sufficient. Both engines must dance with the 5-speed automatic born when the Macarena was still considered funny; its 8-speed replacement should come online in a few months.

On the twists near the border with the engine's ancestral Mexican homeland, the 300C hustled around curves dutifully, with no drama for the Border Patrol spectators. If it feels perhaps a tick less lightfooted than the all-wheel-drive Taurus, the 300 at least provides some polite idea of road feel, more than could be said for the Hyundai Genesis that Chrysler provided for comparison driving and post-lunch naps.

After several decades in business, Chrysler has garnered more second chances than Charlie Sheen, but the last brush with closure was its most severe. Getting back to business means making every model competitive after years of neglect, and the 2011 300 meets that target and then some. It's not the clear style leader, and without that the 300 suffers from a small identity crisis among other luxury large sedans. But there's now time to think about what's next, and we'd politely offer one idea of a direction: When even NASA can't build its own rockets now, maybe Chrysler can again.

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Chrysler Goes To The Matte With"S" Line

At thedrive of its new-for-2011 300 sedanlast week,Chryslershowed off a matte version of the big hauler dubbed the 300 S. What's with the additional letter? Think of it as a mini-Scion forChrysler.

Chrysler execs said they were considering creating a"sub-brand"under the S tag that would offer more customized interiors and exteriors designed with younger buyers in mind. Along those lines, the goal would be to keep the prices affordable, which is partly why they wouldn't commit to an actual matte-finish option like the 300 S they displayed, given the inherent maintenance costs.

Of course, as a good first step they could just make sure every Chrysler 300 has a chrome delete option.

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Keep The Home Fires Burning

The Mazda RX-8 of Dempsey Racing has a moment during the 24 Hours of Daytona. While team namesake Patrick Dempsey (SPOILER) scored a third-place GT finish, the#41car finished 10th in the class.Photo:AP

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4-Year-Old Girl Driving Motorcycle More Horrifying Than Cute

The immediate response to video of a small Indian girl driving a motorcycle with no helmet is shock and horror, though there's no denying this four-year-old in sunglasses looks cool. The father's bad, but the daughter'sbad.

(Hat tip to Subod!){viaFacebook}

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Watch The New Stig Talk

Video ofthe new Stigtalking to tennis player Boris Becker confirms Top Gear's tame race driver is a man, and notSabine Schmitz. But who is The Stig? Anyone recognize that voice?

The video, shot by Becker's crew, of the German tennis player prepping for his appearance onTop Gear's"Star In A Reasonably Priced Car"segment forthis week's episodeshows The Stig talking a considerable amount for someone who is supposed to be a mute racing driver.

To us he sounds straight-up-British like past Stigs.

(Hat tip torundablage!)

{viaBoris-Becker.tv}

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This Is Red Bull's New Sand-Based F1 Car

Carbon fiber is so 2010. Red Bull's new car, photographed here with drivers Mark Webber and Sebastian Vettel on Melbourne's St Kilda beach a day ahead of its official launch, ditches the widely used composite for silicon dioxide.

Following in the footsteps of the RB6 chassis, which won both championships in 2010, Red Bull’s RB7 will haveits first test day out on Tuesdayat the Spanich circuit of Ricardo Torno in Valencia.

Further photographs indicate that the’60s tradition of drivers becoming constructors—think Bruce McLaren, think Jack Brabham, think Dan Gurney—is in rude health at Red Bull, as both Webber and 2010 world champion Vettel have shoveled input into the car’s aerodynamics.

Photo Credit: Peter Fox/Getty Images

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Video Gamers More Dangerous Drivers Than Non-Gamers

A new study's discovered players of racing video games likeNeed For Speedtake bigger risks, are ticketed, and crash into stationary objects more often then their non-gamer counterparts. But frequent gamers do pass driving tests in fewer attempts.

The study on gamers and driving was put together by Continental Tires, who quizzed 2,000 motorists (half gamers, half non-gamers) between the ages of 17 and 39 on their driving habits. Though gamers believe they're more skilled drivers, they admit to taking higher risks and making more claims on their insurance.

"It seems that while gamers develop useful skills and are more confident, they need to apply some balance with a sensible assessment of risk,"said Continental's Tim Bailey.

Results showed 22% of gamers reported being stopped by police, as compared to 13% of non-gamers. Those who frequently playracing gamesalso are twice as likely to make a claim for an accident with their insurance, have road rage, and run a red light.

In defense of gamers, they thought they were being chased by Cuban drug dealers and only had 12 seconds to hit the next checkpoint.

Inversely, non-gamers were twice as likely to dent their vehicle and required, on average, one more attempt to pass the British driving exam. The producers of the study then tried to tie this into drivers not understanding the consequences of their actions and quoted someone from the"Institute of Advanced Motorists"on the topic.

"I am not surprised that regular gamers find themselves making the same decisions and judgements when driving for real as they do when in the virtual world,"said Peter Rodger."The issue is that when actually driving, our actions lead to 'real' results, and mistakes have very real consequences."

Couldn't the same be said for non game-playing drivers, who have never witnessed their pride-and-joy crushed in a game with advanced crash rendering? It's a big leap for what is just a self-reported study.

Here are the full results:

COMPARISON OF THOSE WHO DO AND DON'T PLAY DRIVING COMPUTER GAMES

DO       DON'T

% stopped by police                                            22         13

% who use mobile when driving                          19         12

% ever made a claim for an accident                   30         15

% run a red light in last 12mnths                        31         14

% driven wrong way down 1-way street              13         10

% hit stationary object when parking                  22         13

% accidently clipped a car but kept quiet            19         11

% take risks (accelerate too quickly, overtake)    44         21

% suffer road rage                                              45         22

% who speed                                                      25         13

% scare others with their driving                        26         11

Attempts before passing test                               2           3

No. of prangs to their vehicle in last 12months    1           2

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Who Is The Patron Saint of Hoonage?

Commentersixt9cougposes a question we've all considered, but has never been asked in QOTD form: who comes to mind when you think of madcap adventures and superhuman vehicle control? Who is the patron saint of hoonage?

Way back in the late '70s (ok, it was 2007), we tagged the late, greatEvel Knievelwith that title. Were we wrong?

(QOTDis your chance to address the day's most pressing automotive questions and to experience the opinions of the insightful insiders, practicing pundits, and gleeful gearheads that make up the Jalopnik commentariat. If you've got a suggestion for a goodQuestion of the Day, send an email to tips at jalopnik dot com.)

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How To Turn A Grocery Getter Into A World Beater In 60 Days: Part Two

K-PAX Racing's attempting to turn an off-the-line Volvo C30 into a world-beating race car in 60 days. Driver Robb Holland's going to give us weekly project updates. Part two: reducing two cars to a million parts.—Ed.

Welcome back all. For those who missedlast week's episodehere's a quick recap: racing Volvos not crazy, Volvos look cool with all 4 wheels off the ground, crazy Swedes like racing wagons, C30's at the shop, oh, and apparently Paris Hilton jokes are kinda played out.

Now one of the coolest things about this project is we (K-PAX Racing and 3Zero3Motorsports) get to take two brand spankin' new C30's with less than 50 miles on their respective clocks and completely strip them down to the chassis. No road grime, no oil leaks, just squeaky-clean hotness. I kinda feel like the kid who takes his father's brand new watch apart just to see how it works, only my guys are much better at putting things back together (sorry Dad). 

Typically, the only place you would see cars stripped like this, the guys doing the work are more worried about Johnny Law then they are about making sure that things are done right. Our lead build tech Teague Oliver has a different set of priorities. 

The big worry when stripping down a modern car you have to actually put back together is that everything on the car is integrated through the CAN/BUS system. With literally thousands of small bits and pieces, the worry is that if we misplace the screw for the cup holder the car might not start because the ECU is worried that we might spill our Big Gulp. That might seem like an exaggeration, but I have been in a racecar that wouldn't rev past 3000 rpm because it couldn't tell if the parking brake was on! 

So Teague&Co. have the unenviable task of not only stripping down the car but also making sure that each and every part that they remove is labeled and cataloged so that we can find it again in the event that we need it to make the car go. Everything must be meticulously labeled and put into bins according to how it came out of the car. 

Because we're building two cars simultaneously, each part has to also be tagged as to which car it came out of so the guys don't end up with leftover parts for one car while missing parts for the other. It'd be kind of like doing two identical puzzles, simultaneously and someone comes along and mixes all the pieces together. Not impossible to do, but a royal pain in the ass, and with 53 days to go it's a headache that we just can't afford right now. 

Watching the first of these two cars come apart you get a new found respect to the engineering and forethought that Volvo puts into building the C30. Even though none of our guys had ever worked on a C30 before, the first car came apart in under two days and that includes cataloging each and every part that they removed. The expectation is that the second car should come apart in less than a day.

The most telling thing, though, is that all mechanics hate bad design and my guys are no exception to that. You know what I'm talking about: having to drop the engine to change the spark plug 1960's British engineering type of design. But when I swung by the shop after they had finished the teardown, not only were the guys not complaining but they were actually commenting on how intuitive the C30 was.  My guys are a bit stingy with the praise so that's really saying something.

Now that the cars are all torn down and we have everything organized and cataloged what's our next step? For most teams running Touring Cars, the next step after the cars are fully stripped down would be building the cage, but the K-PAX guys don't do anything half way. To that end they invested in a FaroArm, which is basically a digital measuring device that allows you to accurately recreate objects (like parts off a car for example) in a CAD program like Solid Works.

What good does recreating a few parts in a CAD program do for a Touring Car program that has to use mainly OE parts? Well, it does a bunch of things for us. First you recreate enough of those parts and eventually you have a whole entire C30 modeled in CAD!

This allows us to measure things like suspension rates, bump steer at various ride heights, and design our shock package all with amazing accuracy and in a very short period of time once everything is scanned in. 

Now that things are moving well with the first car and our engineers have all of the numbers they need to get all of our suspension sorted out I get to have a little fun. Next week, we hit the track with the second car to find out just how good the stock C30 is at speed and give us some idea of how much ground we need to cover in order to make it competitive in World Challenge. Stay tuned...

Robb Holland is a professional racecar driver withK-PAX Racingand3Zero3 Motorsports. When he is not racing inWorld Challenge, Holland works as a performance driving instructor and owns a travel company that takes US clients over to Europe to drive the Nurburgring. You can follow him on hisFacebook page.

Previously:

• How To Turn A Grocery Getter Into A World Beater In 60 Days: Part One

Photo Credit: K-PAX Racing

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Hearst Buys Car And Driver, Road&Track

Magazine conglomerate Hearst will pay $887 million to buy 102 magazines from French firm Lagardere, includingCar And DriverandRoad&Track.Here's to a successful deal, since improving on the French shouldn't be hard. {Dealbook}

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Worst Turn Ever Or Best Turn Ever?

There's nothing like a banked, blind wet turn into oncoming traffic to get your blood pumping. Now imagine the same turn with an off-camber split half-way into it. Great if you're a Croatian hoon, bad if you're anyone else.

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Is $9,800 for a JDM Pajero Pejorative?

In some Spanish speaking countries, the wordpajerois slang for wanker. While we never officially got it in the U.S., today'sNice Price or Crack PipeMitsubishi Pajero Evolution is here, and it may be fap-worthy.

It seemed that a good 60% of you wouldn't have minding the pleasure of finding yourself behind the wheel of yesterday'ssleeper Malibu. That car couldn't have been more all-American if it came with John Wayne in the passenger seat, hurling horseshoes at communism-espousing hippies while eating the world's blandest cheese.

Today's candidate is so not-American that it even believes inevolution.

Mitsubishi. Other than the Evo, that's one Japanese car maker whose entire product portfolio might be a struggle to recall. One you may have never even heard of is the Pajero Evolution. We got shipments of the Pajero's relative, the Montero, but only the first-generation of that truck (along with its cosmetic cousin, the Dodge Raider) came in such a short wheelbase two door form factor. Keeping the dream alive, this1998 JDM Pajero Evolutionhas a span between its axles so short it would make Larry Craig uncomfortable, and enough flare in its fenders to guest star onThat‘70s Show.

In case you were wondering just what in the hell you would do with such a beast, the seller conveniently notes that Mistu ran them in the Paris to Dakar rally- which this one handily homages. However, if your only interest in Dakar is hitting the clubs smelling of it, then maybe this isn't the right-hand driver for you. That's right, this car is so JDM you could use it to deliver mail or show the window guy at In-N-Out just how long your arms are.

It does come with a 4-speed automatic, so aside from drive-thru shenanigans, you won't have to grope around with your left hand, trying to figure out which slot is second in the bizarro world that is right-hand-drive. You know, the first time I drove a right-hander, I kept waving my arm out into traffic trying to find the gear lever on each shift, and as it was a cut-down door Morgan, that was easy to do. Trying to keep from having my passenger sitting in oncoming traffic, that was a little harder. Our '49 Bentley is also right hand drive, but with the shift lever next to your right leg, making shifting a little more natural, but getting in and out a testicle-threatening affair.

Ahead of the Pajero's auto box is Mitsubishi's sweet 6G74 V6. That 3,497-cc DOHC engine plumps out almost 280-bhp, made possible by the MIVEC variable cam timing and the ability to rev past seven grand without the help of Viagra. All that power is fed through the Pajero's Super Select 4WD system which features a center diff lock and two-speed transfer case - nothing fancy here, but tough and quick. The suspension is double wishbones up front - with torsion bars to keep them in line, and a multi-link IRS out back - and plenty of travel should they get the wanderlust.

Inside we'll just have to imagine the stock Recaros, power everything, and automatic A/C as the seller doesn't deign either picture worthy. The rest of the car looks pretty good with no apparent Dakar dents or Paris. . . whatevers. That good as the deeply scooped hood and the under bumper valance are both weight-saving, but dent by looking at it aluminum. Out back, the batman ears are plastic and possible aid the aero along with making the Riddler nervous, while up front the little wing mirror on the off-side fender lets you keep track of the competition. And if all the factory rice-a-roni isn't your cup of Sake, he's also got a cone filter intake that you can either put on the Pajero or make coffee with, whatever is your preference.

The seller says that this JDM bomb shell is registered in Washington State, which leads me to believe I could probably license a coal-fired whorehouse on wheels up there and nobody at the DMV would so much as bat an eye. Maybe they work on the honor system there, who knows? Anyway, he says it's down in the Bay Area on holiday, and that you should come up and see it. That might be your only chance because the only way this thing is getting a set of Cali plates is if Jerry Brown realizes that to solve the state's budget deficit he'll have to declare war on our neighbors to the north, and then immediately surrender and demand reparations. That's good because Oregon is another state that doesn't seem to give a shit about furrin' car licensing.

What ever state you're in, this Paris to Dakar dynamo would set you back $9,800 to get behind its incongruously placed steering wheel. For that much you could be playing mailbox baseball - solitaire with it before the feds tackle you and send it back to the far reaches of JDM land, or Washington, whichever they can afford.

So what's your take on this odd bodkin of a Mitsu? Does its $9,800 price tag make you want to JDM in your pants? Or, does that price make this Pajero punitively pejorative?

You decide!

Nice Price or Crack Pipe: 1998 Mitsubishi JDM Pajero Evolution for $9,800.Market Research

San Francisco Craigslistor gohereif the ad disappears.H/T to DryBear for the hookup!

Help me out with NPOCP. Clickhereto send a me a tip, and remember to include your commenter handle.

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Parts Shortage Hampering New Car Construction

Now that people want cars again, a lack of parts slowing deliveries. Inverse-Carpocalypse. {Auto News}

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"Shapeshifter" Transforming An Audi

To highlight its computeranimationchops for corporate advertisers, design studio Charlex crafted this two-minute clip of a debaged Audi fracturing into Borg-like birds, fish and even a hunting cat that might be a Jaguar.

(H/T to lusterblade!) {Charlex}

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Ford F-150 Runs Over Ferrari 458 Italia

A Ford truck achieved revenge for the Italians naming their new F1 car theFerrari F150. Sadly, this 458 Italia only traversed 500 miles and therefore never had the chance to burn to the ground before being violently struck.

This happened over the weekend in Brandon, Florida with a new 2011 458 Italia and newish F-150. We feel bad about the car, and can even manage a little sympathy for the guy driving it while wearing a Scuderia Ferrari shirt and what appear to be women's sunglasses.(Hat tipm2m!){viaAutoblog.nl}

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Hooning A Ford Raptor In The Snow

Followers ofour Facebook pageand eagle-eyed viewers ofSpinelli's"How to do a J-turn"videonoticed a hulking black 6.2-liter 2011Ford F-150 SVT RaptorSuperCab. Well, here's a couple shots— andthe storyit was for.

Read the full story over atPickupTrucks.com. And yes, that's me driving the Raptor above. God that was a fun afternoon.

Also, you should totally"like"our Facebook page— because we tease cool stuff like this all the time on it.

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Man Gets Penis Tattooed For Free Mini Cooper

A 39-year-old German man had his penis tattooed with the word"Mini"to win a newMini Cooperin a radio contest. Naturally, he did It on the air, accompanied by his screaming in agony. What a cock.

TheAustrian Timesreported that the man, Andreas Muller of Saxony-Anhalt, won the contest by devising the craziest Mini-related stunt. That's nothing, buddy. Want to impress us? Make it acalligram.

Barstool SportsviaAutoblogMore atUPI}

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