For $3,550, Coo Coo Ca Choo Mrs Robinson

InThe Graduate,anAlfaRomeo Duetto whisked Dustin Hoffman's Ben Braddock character between boning Mrs. Robinson and contrite confessionals with her daughter. With today'sNice Price or Crack Pipe164 he can bring the whole family along.

HadThe Graduatebeen made a quarter century later, Hoffman - in place of his redAlfawith the GOT MILF? bumper sticker - may have shuttled between LA and Berkeley in yesterday's1991 Isuzu Impulse. Its 68% Nice Price win indicated that a good number of you would like to have Garfunkeled along with his Simon to do so as well.

Of course the movie wasn't made that recently, and back in 1967 the Duetto, as a supporting player, made a perfect mount for the randy and generationally indiscriminate graduate of the title. But sadly all things must pass, and while bumping uglies with the wife of your dad's closest friend may beat even X-Box for 20-something shenanigans, it can't last. You'd eventually have to grow up, and she'd go into a nursing home. While that would make trysts a lot more convenient, the general downer vibe of an old folks' home, along with your mistress turned matron's dentures and incontinence, would really spoil the mood.

But alas, I digress.

Another factor for a graduate growing up is the need for a vehicle that carries more than just two. It may be family responsibilities, or business requirements, but that Duetto might not cut it anymore as a daily driver. Don't worry though, because for a while there, before they turned tits up in America,AlfaRomeo made a four-door front driver that was almost as sexy as the spider. A fine example of that family man's Italian is today's claimed nearly restored1991 164L, a black beauty powered by Alfa's legendary 3.0 six - the Guiseppe Busso-designed one that sings road opera like a Ducati. In 1991 the 3.0 six sported but 12 valves total, a fact that didn't keep it from producing 180-bhp and giving the 164 a zero to sixty time of under 8 seconds. Part of that magic was accomplished by pairing the sweet six with a Getrag five speed manual. The 164's handling is equally impressive as well. That 5-cogger's a pretty rare check box to have been ticked on any executive Alfa sold here in the states, and raises this 164's desirability quotient by at least a clutch pedal's worth.

Alfas, like our current economic recovery, could be best described as fragile, and the 164 proved to be no different. Even though its basic structure was a shared development between Fiat (Chroma), Lancia (Thema), and Saab (9000), the 164 feels an Alfa through and through, including the bit about parts falling off. The biggest and most expensive part being the engine, you'll be glad to know that this one has had a rebuild no more than 8,000 miles ago, if the seller is to be believed. Add to that reskinned leather seats and brass geared stepper motors in the A/C and you can consider this a 164 so fresh it might ask your mother out to lunch.

For many people, an affair can be a taxing endeavor. Alfa Romeo ownership is equally demanding, and like a relationship with a menopausal MILF, throwing money at an Alfa may, in the short term, keep the magic alive, but as a long-term investment, well, even God doesn't have that kind of bank, or that many gin and tonics.

One of the pivotal scenes inThe Graduateis when, at a party, a sotted guest advised Hoffman's Braddock that plastics are the future. While that didn't pan out as prophesy for Ben, it could be all it takes for you to graduate to Alfa ownership. The seller, investment be damned, is asking $3,550 for this 164, a price that might easily fit on the plastic in your wallet. The question is, would this Alfa be considered seductive at that price? Or, for that much, is there no way you'd be standing outside the seller's window shouting ALFA! ALFA! ALFA!

You decide!

Nice Price or Carck Pipe: 1991 Alfa Romeo 164 for $3,550.online surveys

The OC Craigslistor gohereif the ad disappears.H/T to everybody who sent this in!

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Want A Chance To Win $10,000 As America's Next Top Car Blogger?

There's still time for you to enter for a chance to join the countless dozens of others interested in becomingAmerica's next top car blogger. Just followthese instructions.

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Infiniti Building Their Own Electric Nissan Leaf

Infiniti released this first sketch of a"stylish, compact, high performance five-seat luxury car with zero emissions technology"set for a 2013 launch. That sounds like aNissan Leaf, but also with style, luxury and high performance. {viaInfiniti}

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Murilee Hops Into The Hooptie, Heads On Outta Here

Nearly four years have passed sincethe first post I wrote forJalopnik. It's been a good run, but I need a break.

So now I'm sitting at a Formica desk in a North Carolina airport motel, trying to shake off my post-LeMons-raceexhaustion enough to write a farewell that can stand up next toSpinelli'sorLieberman's, by my midnight-Sunday deadline, and the ol' mental starter solenoid is just going click-click-click.

What's the deal here? I'm working on a novel— something a bit more respectable, and car-centric thanthe first Murilee Martin title— and I can't do that while also judging 22 LeMons races a yearandwriting all theJalopnikposts our readers have come to expect on the weekends.

For now, Murilee Martin weekends are over. I'll try to knock out some more junkyard projects along the lines of theJunkyard Boogaloo Boomboxand share them with you on these pages, and I'll do my best to scrawl some words onMurileeMartin.comon a quasi-regular basis.

What's next for the weekends? Check in Monday for the official announcement from Jalop HQ.

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Does The Fiat Brand Have a Hope In Hell Of Succeeding In North America?

So the new masters of Chrysler will be bringingtheir sporty little European machineto these shores... but can they overcome the terrible"Fix It Again, Tony"image the 124, 128, Strada, and X1/9 established a generation ago?

Even those Americans and Canadians too young to remember brand-new Bravas sputtering to a halt in the fast lane during rush hour or 128s rusting into a vaguely car-shaped red stain on the pavement have heard the tales of horribly unreliable Malaise Era Fiats from the old folks; hell, my parents hadtwo128s back in the day, both of which broke down constantly and croaked at about age four. Allegedly, Fiats are pretty good cars these days, but will we ever believe it?

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Ferrari 599 SA Aperta: The Most Exclusive Ferrari Ever

This is theFerrari 599 SA Aperta, the drop-top roadster version of the 599. Want one? Tough. Even before it makes its public debut next week in Paris, Ferrari's already sold every one of them.

Ferrari's calling this special edition convertible— a 599-based roadster featuring the 6.0-liter V12 from the GTO and a"light soft-top"— the"most exclusive Ferrari ever."That's likely true given just 80 units of the new model, designed as a tribute to styling house Pininfarina, on its 80th anniversary this year, will be built. Sadly, according to Ferrari, all 80 have been sold.

Blame the SA Aperta's appearance at a private viewing at the recent Pebble Beach Concours in California—whereJalopnikreaders saw it in person— for the pre-sale of every example of the new prancing stallion.

What's that you say? How can Ferrari call this the most exclusive Ferrari ever? Well, they're talking about production Ferraris designed for sale to the general public.

How they'll call it"for sale to the general public?"Yeah, that's a better question.

Anyway... so what will those 80 owners get that the rest of us will never even get to see after each car is carefully mothballed, packed in bubble tape and gingerly carted up to the attic where it'll never see the light of day again? They'll get a lower-slung windscreen that's been stiffened and shorn of fat to make sure weight difference between this and the hard-top 599 is close to equal.

They'll also get a"quick-remove...light soft-top"designed for little to no use while driving. Under the hood, they'll find that V12 engine beating at a brilliant 661 bhp (don't ask for a conversion, it's early) and 475 lb-ft of torque engine in all its aural glory. Expect performance numbers to be similar to the GTO— a car that, as Ferrari's fastest road car ever, goes from 0 to 62 MPH in a blisteringly speedy 3.35 seconds.

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Porsche 911 GT3 Hybrid: Rendered, Speculatively

After all of the speculation, one ofthe boys atTeamspeeddecided to try rendering the rumored 911-ending special edition GT3. They're calling it the Porsche 911 GT3"Hybrid."We're calling it a really good educated guess.

The reason they're calling it a"Hybrid"is because they believe strongly this new Porsche will likely have KERS, and Porsche might decide to call it a"Hybrid."You know, for the marketing and stuff. Although they've got no idea when it will come out, but I'm guessing towards the very end of the 997's life.

The thing is, theTeamspeedboys have had a pretty good track record of rendering the past few variants of the ever-expanding family of 911s— including some spot-on renderings of the new Speedster. So although we'll take these new renderings with a grain of salt, it's a much smaller grain of salt than we'd normally include.

Head over toTeamspeedfor more renderings (ooh, pretty colors!) and details on what the possible series-ender for the 911 could include.

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Over 100 Injured as Stand Collapses At Car Race

More than 100 people were hurt when a section of spectator stands collapsed during a drag race in Brazil's Parana state on Sunday.

Authorities believe that structural faults in the stands may have caused the collapse and have launched an investigation.

{viaTelegraph}

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Lotus Elite: The Most Powerful Lotus Ever

This is the theLotus Elite, the new"compact"convertible GT sports car we been told to expect from the close-to-our-bossom blossom-named-brand. What we weren't expecting? A folding hardtop, seven-speed dual-clutch transmission and an unheard-of-for-Lotus weight. Beefcake!

Ten days ahead of the Paris Motor Show, where Lotus is set to reveal the"dawn"of a new era, they've revealed"a first taste of what's to come"— the all-new 2014Lotus Elite.

Lotus is touting this as a"chic and elegant"— yet"compact"— convertible GT 2+2 sports car with a folding hardtop. Although there's no interior shots yet, you can just make out the rear seats in the profile shot, along with a huge gently sloping centre console, which doesn't appear to have a gear lever.

And here's the new new thing for Lotus— there will be no manual option. Instead, you'll have a choice of a seven-speed dual-clutch transmission— or buying a Ferrari 599. Why a Ferrari 599? Because that's the performance competition. Seriously.

Despite the lack of gear-rowing, this Lotus looks like it'll be fast. It has a mid-mounted 5.0-liter V8 engine behind the front axle producing around 542 bhp, or 611 bhp in the R-tuned version. Combine that with 530 lb-ft o' torque and Lotus predicts the Elite will hit 62 mph (100 km/h) in about 3.6 seconds. That's faster than the Lotus 2-Eleven and is far and away the most powerful Lotus ever built. There's even talk of a Formula 1-style KERS-like hybrid system providing short bursts of an extra 50 bhp. That's good. Because apparently the new Proton-led"dawn"for Lotus is breaking over the set of The Biggest Loser as it'll weigh in at 3,600 lbs.— almost two Lotus Elises!

We guess you get what you pay for because this'll be expensive–- even for a Lotus -– at around $180,000 (over twice as much as an Evora). But that's still $30k cheaper than a Ferrari California. Plus, you'll get the power of a 599. Not too shabby if you ask us.

Proton will oversee a highly-ambitious 10-year development plan worth $1.2 billion, which will try to bring Lotus in direct competition with Aston Martin, Maserati, and others."Lotus can't survive as a niche brand,"said Lotus CEO Dany Bahar."It needs to be more appealing and has to exceed its rivals with better quality, class-leading emissions and performance at a better price."

Still, we lament the lack of a manual and the new bigger-is-better Cartman-sized Lotus. But hey, more power, right?

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What's The Greatest Engine of All Time, Period?

You saw this coming, right? We argued over the merits of thebest four-cylinder, thebest inline six, and thebest V8, and we'll get to the V6s, V12s, radials, and everything else... someday. Today, however, we choose theking.

Maybe"choose"is too strong a word, because there will be no consensus. However, that doesn't mean we want you screaming at each other, so keep it civil— yes, small-block Chevy, Porsche boxer, and Honda B single-interest zealots, I'm talking toyou— and back up your assertions with, like, arguments that make sense to the rest of us.

Personally, I'm unable to answer this one. The Citroën Traction-Avant engine, which debuted in 1934 and was still being installed in new cars into the 1980s, deserves consideration. Thesmall-block Chevrolet, without a doubt. Also without a doubt, theToyota R. TheChrysler Slant Six. TheBMW M10. TheModel T flathead four. Yes, it's impossible! You might refer to theEngine Of The Day Overload pagefor inspiration.

Image source:Citroenet.uk

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Which GM Car Was Least Able To Compete With the Japanese Big Three?

Sometime in the mid-1970s, all those funny little Japanese cars rolling onto to the docks in American port cities stopped being funny, or even all that little. The Generaltriedto beat them, but didn't always succeed.

So the question here is: of all the new cars GM introduced during the period in which the outcome of the battle was really in doubt— let's say 1973 to 1990— which one wasleastable to compete with the likes of the Corolla, Accord, and Q45? This includes badge-engineered Suzukis, Opels, Isuzus, and the like, in addition to Detroit-grown machinery. My vote goes to the GM X Body cars: the 1980-85 ChevroletCitation, Buick Skylark, Oldsmobile Omega, and Pontiac Phoenix; the hugely publicized recalls and rapid deterioration of these cars nuked decades' worth of GM's hard-won reputation for building reliable vehicles, and the vast cost of the platform's development condemned The General to 20 years of mediocre X-body descendants. What do you say?

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Catch Top Gear In New York City, Win A Prize!

Top Gear UK's threesome made it up the eastern seaboardfrom Virginiato New York City without getting killed by hicks or the cast of Jersey Shore. If you can find them before tomorrow morning, you can win a prize.

We're told the trio are currently staying in lower Manhattan and will be filming in just a few hours somewhere here in Manhattan. We're giving $500 and a grab bag of other fabulous prizes to be delivered in person by none other than myself— to the first person who can get us video of Jeremy Clarkson saying how much he hatesJalopnik.

If you need a hint where they're staying— here's a shot taken from their hotel in lower Manhattan:

Also, we're told drifting will be involved with the morning's on camera festivities, so think about places where drifting would make sense.

So get your flip HD's out and head over to the Big Apple lickety-split.

Standard contest rules apply. To win, email me the videohere.

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For $5,000, Get an Intercooled New Beetle Turbo. Not That There’s Anything Wrong With That.

Today'sNice Price or Crack PipeVW New Beetle Turbo may look like your standard flower vase-wearing Chardonnay-sipper, but with its overbite intercooler, it only drinks high-test.

Yesterday'sZ Rodwas about as popular as A Rod, although it probably wasn't steroids that were to blame for the car's funky appearance. Despite what seemed like a getting a lot for your money, the Z Rod's freaky nature held sway and 66.85% of you sent it back to the Crack Pipe minors.

While that car's mods were worn on its sleeve, or on its fenderless front (come to think of it, that Z Rod did seem like the automotive equivalent of a wife-beater) today's contender is a car that's not typically driven by purveyors of that fashion statement. The VW New Beetle celebrates the original car that ingratiated the brand to American car buyers. Or, it reminds folks of Hitler, depending on who you ask. This2002 Turborepresented the hottest version of the Golf-based homage to roundy VWs of old. The 1.8 turbo four was, at the time, considered to be one of the best motors built, and at 180-bhp, the SOHC four brought some pretty big balls to the party.

But for some, their balls can never be too big, and in the case of the owner of this dropped Cyber Green edition, its balls needed some tweaking. To do so he added a more capacious air-to-air intercooler on the down-low. In fact, it required removal of the front valance to fit, giving the car an appearance of some sort of vampiric guppy. Additional visual mods include a 2"drop on 18"five-spokes and rocker/running boards that have been painted silver, or maybe they've been wrapped in duct tape, the automotive equivalent of pleather. And of course there's the little hatch-top spoiler that pops up at 45 mph so the cops have yet another visual clue of how close they are to fulfilling their monthly quota. ka-chig!

There's no shots of the interior in the ad, and the seller admits it to bepretty dirty and torn upso you might not want to bareback this beetle. On the plus side, he claims it only has 80K on its clock and the 1.8 is backed up by five supporting players. The Dub is only 8 years old, but he claims to have replaced a good deal of its dangly bits including the alternator and water pump less than 30 ago. Also, he doesn't seem too confident about it passing smog, which is. . . concerning.

You might also be concerned about just being seen in a New Beetle, rabid Turbo or not, as it does have a reputation as being a Barbi's Dream Car- favored by both vapid sorority sisters and the gay men who will become their downstairs confidants after they leave college and have to deal with devils and the Pradas and all that urban shit thatThe Hillsnever prepared them for. But that's not to say that you have to fit in either of those categories to drive one, and while we don't know the proclivities of the seller, he does claim to be a mechanic, which the gayest of the toolbox touting trades - you'll notice that the Village People never had a mechanic as a member, it was just too obvious.

Whether gay or straight, everybody wants to get a good deal, and now it's time for you to determine if this New Beetle's $5,000 price tag is old news. Does that price make you want to consider your confidence in your manhood? Or, for that much would you just be taking it up the ass? Not that there's anything wrong with that.

You decide!

2002 VW New Beetle Intercooled Turbo for $5,000.online survey

Chicoand the ManCraigslistor gohereif the ad disappears.H/T to thaflyinsoundman for the hookup!

Help me out with NPOCP. Clickhereto send a me a tip, and remember to include your commenter handle.

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Ford's Next-Gen Airbag Spares Ribs, Looks Like A Saggy Butt

The2012 Focusdebuts Ford's next-generation airbag, designed with an internal tether which shapes the bag to reduce pressure and injuries to the ribs and abdomen. It also makes the airbag look like an old lady's bottom.

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Ford Focus ST: Hatch Hotness Goes Global

The endless monotony of boring U.S. hatches got you down? TheFord Focus ST's going to turn that frown upside-down. A 246-hp, sexified, Ecoboosted, five-door probably headed for America. A beautiful sunrise may be breaking over the Carpocalyptic landscape.

Though Ford hasn'tspecificallystated the Focus ST is coming stateside, their press releases and PR folks imply as much with very heavy-handed mentions of the car being a"global reveal,"(wink, wink). The Paris-Auto-Show-bound ST is powered by a 246-hp Ecoboost four cylinder and a six-speed manual transmission. Outside you see a more aggressive front fascia, side treatment, brakes, wheels and rear end. Inside the car gets a high-zoot carbon-fibery interior and extra gauges. You hear that? It's every single Mark 1 Focus SVT owner weeping with joy. We're right there with them.

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Ex-GM Exec Browning Named VW U.S. Chief

Volkswagen will announce EX-GM exec Browning as its new U.S. CEO today. {AutoNews}

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Audi R4 Concept: First Planted Video

Someone's been caught helicoptering anAudi R4— the sub-TT sports car Audi's co-developing offVW's Bluesport concept— towards a ski jump in Austria for a familiar-looking stunt ahead of the Paris Motor Show.

Two videos were uploaded to YouTube and shared with the R4 rumor siteAudi R4umshowing the car, in brilliant white and black checkerboard spy camouflage, looking like a mini Audi R8 on its way to the top of a ski jump platform at the Olympic Ski Resort in the Alps near Innsbruck, Austria. Is this the recreation of the originalAudi ski jump adin reverse? It looks like it.

More importantly, what does this tell us about the car? This video's almost certainly a plant by Audi so there's not much there. It could be the convertible version of the electric R4 e-tron concept everyone's expecting to come to Paris or it could be the actualAudi R4, which is expected to come in both TDI and gasoline variants.

Here's hoping someone leaks video of it jumping, full speed, down a ski jump the correct way.

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Yeehaw It's Texas Day One Over, Mid-Drive Mirage Leads!

Remember theMid-Drive Crisis Mitsubishi Mirage?They all laughed when it entered the track!Well, nobody is laughing now, because the innovative Mitsu with the mid-mounted driver's seat now sits at the top of the Yeehaw It's Texas LeMons standings!

Mitsubishis have fared very, very poorly in LeMons racing over the years, to the point where a top-10 finish is a cause for jubilation among fans of Galants, Colts, Starions, and Eclipses.

Speaking of Diamond Star Motors products, we've gotanotherMitsubishi in second place: the Idiocracy Rehab Racing Talon looms less than a lap behind the Mid-Drive Crisis. You'd be hard-pressed to find a car with a worse LeMons record than the Talon; the Triumph TR7 might be its only rival for the Most Heartbreaking LeMons Car award. Sure, Talons are quick, but they tend to blow the hell up in endurance races.

One lap behind the Talon, we find a car that LeMons insiders predict will win a race in the 2010 season: the Cajun Coonasses dba Speed Racer Y'all Saturn SC2. This car has finished in the Top 5 in numerous races, won the '09 season team points championship, and would not shock any of us if it made up those two laps and roared to victory on Sunday. Believe it or not, the Saturn SL/SC has been adominatingLeMons car, and it's even more dominating in the hands of the super-consistent Cajun Coonasses wheelmen.

The top three had better not stumble, however, because thetwo-time LeMons-winning Red Rocket Ratnest RevivalFord Taurus SHO lurks a mere three laps behind the leader, and it's running best lap times well below the pace set by the leaders. Not only does this car get driven to and from the track— who needs a trailer?— but it serves as the team captain's daily driver (yes, he puts the doors back on when he drives on public roads)! Will that powerful-but-fragile Yamaha V6 hold together for one more day? You never know!

What's this? AnInfinitiin the Top Five? That's right, the Swine Flew Raycing J30 has just five laps to make up in order to take the top spot, and a lot can happen in a day of racing in Texas.

Meanwhile, the Index Of Effluency race is really heating up. The long-awaitedDuratec-powered Renault Dauphineis on the track, along with two Triumphs (TR6 and TR7), two Mustang IIs, and the most horrible Toyota Tercel hatchback we've ever seen. Check in later for more LeMons action!

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Lord Humungus, Clowns, and a TR6: BS Inspection at the Yeehaw It's Texas 24 Hours of LeMons

We're back at MSR Houston once again, and the LeMons Supreme Court sweated its way through a super-swampy hot day in Texas. Lots of Taurus SHOs, lots of BMW E36s, a couple of Mustang IIs, and much more!

Since Judge Jonny has retired from the LeMons Supreme Court in order to take a job atsome car magazine, the members of the double-Audi-driving Team Unintended Acceleration were kind enough to build us a RoboJonny to loom over the proceedings... or maybe it's a Liebernator.

"Just walk away. Just walk away, and nobody gets hurt."

ExcellentSmokey&the Banditcostumes for these two teams.

I didn't get any good shots of our first-ever LeMons Triumph TR6, so you'll have to settle for a shot of its engine for now. I'll get some action shots Saturday, when it will almost certainlydominateon the race track!

Disclosure: Murilee Martin gets crazy baksheesh for his work on the 24 Hours of LeMons Supreme Court

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